Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
