We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
