I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
