I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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