I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
