I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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