I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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