I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
