Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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