Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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