i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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