HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
