Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
