don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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