He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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