I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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