First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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