dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
