Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
