I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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