its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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