Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This is not my ceiling
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
