I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
