I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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