Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
