Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want nice things and good sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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