New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
