He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
