Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
