Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
