This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
