It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
