so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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