I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
