Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
