So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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