i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
