It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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