Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
