This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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