But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
