so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
