My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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