Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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