I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
