You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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