kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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