Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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