Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
