If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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